My PT wanted me to stand up, holding onto his hands. I was scared sh*tless. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Why would standing up be so scary? First, he wanted me to stand without using my arms, only using my leg muscles. I tried but my legs did not want to move,
As I write this, on October 13, it is now two hours after my PT (physical therapy) session, my heart is still racing, and my head is spinning.
It’s weird, it was like my brain did not know what to do. It was like the first time I ever tried to stand. I was so afraid of falling. I can only imagine what a baby must go through when it first learns to stand. Baby stands, and falls. Baby stands, and falls.
Well, that is what my PT wanted of me, to stand, then sit, over and over. I tried, but couldn’t. I tried again and again. I was crying, it was so scary. I told the PT that I couldn’t do it, but he lovingly encouraged me to keep trying.
Finally, I was able to stand, I screamed in pain, my knees hurt so much. I stood for a minute and sat back down.
After a minute or two, he had me try again. This time it only took about 5 times before I was able to stand. This time my knees did not hurt, but my legs in my socket hurt. I stood for about 3 minutes, doing exercises while standing. It was very painful.
After doing it several times, my PT said, let’s do it one more time. This time it took maybe 2 times and I was up, and it wasn’t as painful.
It’s like I have to stand on stilts, actually I am standing on stilts. As I was standing, I had no sense of balance, felt like I was falling, and felt very woozy. It made me feel powerless because I had no control.
My PT first wanted to put me in the harness (gravity sling) to have me walk today, but he said because I was having a hard time standing and having so much fear, he wanted me to keep repeating, standing, and sitting. He said that repetition is important. We need to have small victories. It is important to face your fear, and then conquer.
I conquered my fear. It wasn’t easy but I did it. When I got home, I was exhausted and still shaking from all the fear I felt.
Sue Love
